You Might Judge This, But Read Through First.
- Kerstin Lindquist
- 6 days ago
- 4 min read
I laughed uncontrollably at my grandmother’s funeral.
It was, in many ways, my mother’s fault. She started it, and once she did, her hysterics were contagious. We were seated in the very front row of a Catholic church, and my poor, horrified husband finally stood up in the middle of the priest’s message and moved to sit between us, hoping to stop the spread.
That memory fills me far more with love than with shame.
Yes, it was inappropriate. But oh, how much joy I shared with my mom in that moment, and in so many others. To this day, my grandmother’s funeral has become Lindquist family lore—a story we all laugh about, even though it’s wrapped around something somber.
Fast forward twenty years.
Now my sixteen-year-old daughter is full-body laughing in the fourth row of our church as we say goodbye to my dear friend Becky. This time, it’s my other daughter, seated between us, who is mortified. Thankfully, I’m one seat away, so I don’t catch the giggles. I’m also too drained from the pain of the moment, this funeral for a too young mother, so different from that of my grandmothers celebration of a long lived life. I cautiously glance over at my beautiful daughter—tears streaming down her face as she desperately tries to hold the laughter in.
And suddenly, the memory of my mother and me hits me with almost physical force.
For weeks, I’ve been nearly sick with grief—watching my friend die, then burying her. But this ache is different. It lands like a punch to the gut, and somehow… it’s welcome. Love has a way of doing that.
Before you’re tempted to hit reply and gently scold me—as your Christian duty—for our “inappropriate” behavior, let me say this: laughing during sad, stressful, or uncomfortable moments is a healthy, normal, and a deeply human coping mechanism. It may look strange or even disrespectful to others, but it’s often the brain’s way of regulating overwhelming emotion and releasing pressure.
My sweet girl kept whispering through her tears that she was a horrible person for laughing at a funeral. Even in my own pain, I tried to let her off the hook. This was the most tragic situation she had ever faced—watching children not much older than herself, kids she grew up alongside, bury their last remaining parent.
It was too much for all of us.
If laughter was how she survived that moment, then none of us has the right to judge.
Life can be unbearably hard. Whether the release comes through tears or laughter, our bodies and souls need an outlet. Be gentle with yourself in seasons of pain.
I often wonder how people walk through moments like these without Jesus. He is the only reason many of us sitting in that church yesterday could still smile. We know we will see Becky again one day—and I have no doubt she’ll be the first to laugh right along with us.
If you don’t yet know the love of our Lord, please—reach out. I would be honored to introduce you the the one who can turn all your tears into joy.
In Him,
Kerstin
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You can read the entire story on this GoFundMe page for the two children who have now lost both their parents to cancer.
This is about helping Finn and Abbie with basic living expenses, education costs, medical and legal needs, and the many unseen financial burdens that come with losing both parents so early in life. It is about giving them space to grieve without the added weight of fear about how they will make it through the next chapter.
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